Three Nights of Ascension

It took a while, but I finally had enough free time to fire up the DVR and watch Syfy’s Ascension.

ascension syfy

The idea of a generation starship secretly launched during the Kennedy administration to preserve humanity on another world in case of a nuclear holocaust has had me grinning from ear to ear since I first learned of it. How did it actually turn out, though? And how much storage space does a hundred-year supply of liquor and lipstick need?

My end of the first night reaction: “No. Oh, hell no. No. What did they have to go and do that for? No.”

My end of the second night reaction: “Bryan Cranston only being in the first 30 minutes of Godzilla was less of a disappointment than this bait-and-switch. Maybe they can pull it off in the conclusion.”

My end of the third night reaction: “The star child must be born? Space ‘em. Space ‘em all. Writers, producers, studio execs, space ‘em all!”

Final thoughts: How in God’s name did they pitch this? “It’s Carrie meets Mad Men meets X Men meets X Files meets Sixth Sense meets punctuated evo-what? meets Black Widow from Marvel’s Avengers, only now she’s a blonde lesbian who loves tacos.” Seriously, somebody actually green-lit six hours of this? And then didn’t give Tricia Helfer one toaster joke?

Watching it, I couldn’t help imagining Ascension if it had actually been made in the Sixties. By Irwin Allen, with all those Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea sets. Starring Larry Hagman and Barbara Eden, with special guest star Frank Sinatra, Jr., for extra cheese. Now that show would have been awesome.

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